The Beginning of Another Story

A while back, while reminiscing with an old friend, I realized that I’ve been using the internet for 20 years now. Over the past two decades, I’ve started and shut down blogs time and again. Each time I started a blog, it was usually because I was in a state of mind where I felt a strong urge to express myself, while the reasons for shutting them down varied. I still remember the first time I shut down a blog—it was because a blogging platform with tens of millions of users announced it was ceasing operations, marking the end of the first wave of the internet. After receiving the email, I intended to log in to see if there was any “legacy” worth backing up. But when I unexpectedly came across the words I’d written in my youth, I was suddenly overcome by a sense of inexplicable absurdity and shame. So, before the service even shut down, I took the initiative to delete all my blog posts.

People always try to draw a line between themselves and their past selves to ease their present inner unease. Looking back suddenly, it feels as if I’ve finished a long journey, only to discover upon returning home that I’ve lost my most precious film—a regret that lingers. I hope this blog will last a little longer, and that I, too, will grow a bit more mature.

I tried visiting the sites of a few friends who used to be avid bloggers, but most of their domain names had expired, and the old blogging platforms no longer existed. I’ve even begun to wonder if they ever actually had blogs at all—whether my memory is playing tricks on me, or if this era is simply too indifferent, unwilling to leave even the faintest trace of those vibrant moments captured in a few megabytes. What remains today that can offer solace to those souls—who were once young and will now grow old alone—during the countless nights that separate them from reality?

Perhaps this is the only way.